Outfield Adventures in Cub-Land

I see the Cubs have unloaded two outfielders (Jacque Jones to the Tigers, Craig Monroe to the Twins) and acquired utility player Omar Infante (from the Tigers).

Whoever the hell he is.

The Cubs now expect to receive permission to print World Series tickets from Major League Baseball.

Whatever. Jones was a useful left-handed bat sometimes, who got some big hits last year and was adequate in center field. Monroe was a complete bust as a right handed power hitter in the few games he actually got into.

The real story here is that the Chicago National League Ballclub is now apparently committing to Felix Pie in center. The right move, in my view. He doesn’t need to hit much to be the answer in center field, because he is excellent defensively and has great speed.

All he needs to do — and since he is a Latino player, this is asking a lot — is learn to not swing at balls 8 inches or more outside the strike zone. In every possible direction.

Yeah, so … that’s probably not going to work out. If it does, though? Money.

But it won’t. Latino players learn very young to become undisciplined hitters, in order to impress idiot scouts who apparently thought Ted Williams’ approach to hitting was a steaming pile of bullsh*t. You know, that theory that not all strikes are of equal value to a hitter, and so to swing at all of them as if they were of equal value is to play right into the pitchers’ hands. That theory. Crazy, huh? What a loon, that Williams guy!

So show me a disciplined Latino hitter, and I’ll call him Manny Ramirez. Or Omar Vizquel. That’s pretty much it.

I hope I’m wrong on Pie, but the smart money is on

SCOUTING REPORT
PLAYER: FELIX PIE
DEFENSE:
<> Excellent glove man, great speed, born to play CF
OFFENSE:
<> .235 hitter who strikes out 120+ times a year with only 20 walks
<> Can't hit breaking stuff, swings at everything he can reach
<> DO NOT THROW ANYTHING IN STRIKE ZONE
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