Oldies That Are NOT Goodies

I like oldies, and listen to a lot of them, and have done so for many, many years.

Most of the time, even for songs I’m not that wild about (like “Gypsies, Tramps, and Thieves”), I can still tolerate them for 3 minutes. Sometimes they remind me of a time or a place that brings back pleasant memories. Hey, when you’re approaching fifty, any reminder of childhood is welcome. 😉

Other oldies are transcendent, for me at least. Brandy by Looking Glass. Nearly the entire Motown catalog. Goofy stuff like “Mrs. Brown” by Herman’s Hermits. The Dave Clark Five. Sam and Dave.

It’s all good. Time stands still for a few minutes.

And then we have “One Bad Apple” by The Osmonds.

Gawd, what a piece of crap this thing is.

The tune is lame, the production values and “musicianship” are even worse, and the singing is, well, not so great. They’re trying so hard to “out-Jackson” the Jackson 5, you can just feel it coming through the radio. And it just ain’t workin’.

It sounds like some high school project by a bunch of nerdy kids who learned three chords in one major scale on a $99 electronic keyboard. After spending 10 minutes writing a melody. And improvising the words. And trying to sing like somebody else. But sounding worse.

Other than that, though, it rocks!

At that link above, you’ll learn that the Osmonds actually went to Muscle Shoals, Alabama, home of the legendary Muscle Shoals sound, to make this crappy record … which went gold in 4 weeks, platinum after that, and sold 3 million copies. It stayed Number One for five weeks. Which proves nothing really, other than sometimes there is no accounting for popular taste.

I can remember being a kid (I was nearly 12 at this time) and hearing this dog on the radio, and I hated it even then. And I liked almost everything on the radio back then. What does that tell you?


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