Coffee as Expensive, Unyielding Religious Doctrine

Well, I Prefer Mine Black, Hot, With One Ice Cube, But That’s Just Me

John Kass says “History could have helped Starbucks foresee revolt”.

Starbucks is in the process of closing 600 stores nationwide, while Dunkin’ Donuts — that oh-so-unhip place where you can pay less money, get good coffee, much less attitude, and even a sinful doughnut if you dare — is opening 500 stores. Draw your own conclusions; I’ll go out on a limb and say that the demand for expensive coffee doesn’t go above the price of a gallon of gas. Who knew these things were tied together economically?

And then go read about this goofiness, where a hoity-toity coffee house in Washington, D.C. has a set of policies about just exactly how their customers are allowed to order their coffee. One of them is “no ice with espresso”. A customer got kinda P.O.’d, and blogged about it. Hilarity ensued.

Links to this ridiculousness can be found in the story; I’m not going to bother reading any more about this than I already have, because those are precious minutes of my life I can never get back.  But I basically agree with the customer in this case.

This is the explanation given by the owner:

At his cafe, Cho explained the policy: “The way we do espresso is different than what people are used to. It’s a very exacting technique. … When you pour it over ice, it creates a certain acidic reaction that makes the drink sour.”

In his letter on Murky’s site, Cho wrote: “To others reading this I will say that if you don’t like the policies, I respectfully recommend that you find some other place that will give you what you want, or select something that we can offer you.”

Maybe some customers like it sour. People have different tastes; you can still take their money. In fact, as somebody running a business, the whole idea is to think up more ways to take their money.  I just don’t see the problem here.

But, of course, the problem is obvious:  it isn’t just coffee for these people, it’s a quasi-religion.  There are coffee beliefs, and Thou Shalt Not Disobey Them.

Yes, even if you fork over your hard-earned $4.50, you are still too stupid to make decisions about what you like, so just bend over and take it, and learn to like it!  Oh, and come back soon!

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