Maybe He Should Try Being the Bizarro Barry

You Know, Like Bizarro Jerry

How can you tell when a sports agent is full of crap? When he’s moving his lips:

Bonds’ agent, Jeff Borris, said Friday that Rays general manager Andrew Friedman failed to respond to a text message he sent this week inquiring about the team’s possible interest in Bonds.

“With (Carl) Crawford and (Evan) Longoria going down simultaneously, I thought I’d make one last vain attempt to reach out to Tampa Bay, and to no avail,” Borris told

“That’s because Major League Baseball has been successful in their pursuit in blackballing Barry out of the game.”

Ah, but Major League Baseball owners are not the only ones afraid to help out a brotha:

The players’ union is investigating possible collusion against Bonds, the game’s all-time home run king. That investigation, however, has slowed down at the request of Bonds’ criminal attorneys, according to a source with knowledge of the situation.

Bonds’ attorneys, the source said, are reluctant to draw further attention to their client while he awaits trial for allegedly lying to a grand jury when he denied knowingly using performance-enhancing drugs.

A collusion charge would be difficult to prove, and the stakes are much higher in Bonds’ criminal proceeding. Bonds, 44, has pleaded not guilty to 15 felony counts for perjury and obstruction of justice. His trial is scheduled for March 2, 2009.

“(Bonds’) attorneys don’t want to draw out a bunch of other negative things — rehash the old ones and raise the possibility of new ones — if the union brings a collusion charge,” said a player agent who is familiar with Bonds’ situation.

When even the players union is not defending you, and your attorneys don’t want publicity, the question of whether the owners are colluding, or just acting in their own self-interest, is kind of beside the point, isn’t it?

Barry Bonds is radioactive right now, and he and his agent are kidding themselves if they think that finding a team desperate enough to have him, and signing for the minimum at age 44 to play meaningless baseball, is going to help him in any way. A smart person in this situation would realize that his future turns on impressing prosecutors, not baseball fans, starting right about … 3-4 months ago.

But Barry Bonds is gonna do what Barry Bonds is gonna do. Which is kind of how he found himself in this mess. How’s that working out for you, Barry?


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