Everybody’s favorite team to pity, the Chicago Cubs, is back at it for the 2009 season.
Surprisingly, they have won two Central Division titles in a row, for the first time in like twelve thirty eight a whole big bunch of years. Yeah, I’m too lazy to look it up, really. Let’s just go with “been a real long time”.
So, in breaking it down, there are two camps here: people who figure the Cubs should win it again, and maybe even finally get to a World Series, and people who are White Sox fans, who enjoy their hatred for the North Siders a little too much (quite frankly, we’d recommend professional help).
Accordingly, let’s look at some of the reasons the Cubs will both win, and fail to win, the 2009 World Series.
Top Nine Reasons Chicago Cubs *Will* Win 2009 World Series
9. They win every 101 years, like clockwork baby!
8. Milton Bradley is best combination toy company / baseball player name ever
7. Kosuke Fukudome can’t really be as bad a hitter as he was latter half of last year … right?
6. Two words: Aaron Miles.
5. Nothing would piss off White Sox fans more
4. Lou Piniella is getting old, really need to get this done right now, fellas
3. Figure they can quit bluffing and start trying now, after going 0-6 in playoffs last two years
2. Probably the best way to get both White Sox fans and the media to stop talking about the 101 year thing, it’s getting super annoying, and killing all of them just seems rash
1. Media cabal conspiracy for killer TV ratings, umps and commissioner in on it too, of course
Top Nine Reasons Chicago Cubs *Won’t* Win 2009 World Series
9. Haven’t won it in 101 years, not likely to start now
8. Obama is a Sox fan, and thinking of pushing legislation through that would make it illegal
7. Team is named the Chicago … Cubs – duh!
6. Outside curve balls in the dirt still not outlawed, for some odd reason; Ramirez, Soriano, Lee very upset
5. Billly Goat curse still in effect for another, let’s see, …. yes, another 1,000,000 years
4. Steve Bartman is a voodoo zombie master, with lots of voodoo dolls and pins, and he knows how to use them!
3. No matter how good they might be in the regular season, will find yet another creative way to meltdown when the pressure is on, somehow
2. Dusty Baker Effect lingering many years past expiration date
1. Relying on the “damn day games screw them up every year” excuse